Love and Leadership: You can’t have one without the other… http://ow.ly/OcTDh
A few minutes ago, I had an emotional moment… Pain that I’ve been keeping bottled up inside for years released itself, and now I feel so free. During my journey to success, I’ve learned that letting go of the past is necessary if you want to move forward and succeed.
I must admit, it’s hard. It’s hard because digging into wounds that are not healed carry pain that you didn’t want to experience ever again. It means feeling the hurt that someone close inflicted upon you. In my case, that close person was my mom.
Between the ages of 13-16 years, it was hard for me. It eased up after I began driving, then began again after I moved home from college. It ended after a significant, tragic event: the death of my brother.
When I was a teenager, my mom, daily, called me names that no teenager deserves, no matter how rebellious they can be. She told me I wasn’t going to become successful because I had book learning sense and no common sense. And she used that to build my brother up right in front of me.
She wished bad things upon me, and they would usually play out. As a teenager, schools do not teach you how to deal with negativity or your own self-talk. They don’t teach you how you give others the power to make you feel certain ways.
At least they didn’t in my school.
And as far as my dad, he was a place I could retreat to. We had our moments, but nothing compared to my mom and I. In fact, he had no idea any of this was going on, until now, because I have to get this pain out of my system. And honestly, no one seems to understand my situation, so he welcomes me to talk to him.
He just assumed that I knew I was well-rounded. I think most parents feel this way, but a child isn’t going to tell you what they feel if they think it isn’t what you want to hear. Especially if it means losing your love and validation.
Vice versa, parents aren’t psychics either lol.
So, here lately, I have really been learning about me and what’s special about me, and why I should embrace all of me. I’m learning to embrace that part of myself that’s been tremendously wounded. Accept, release, and replace so I can heal.
The Moment that Has Restored Me
But just a moment ago after listening to a webinar by Joan Sotkin (she’s really good if you’re looking for confidence to start your own business or make more money), I had a breakdown while washing dishes.
I thought about my mom’s childhood, how her mom, my grandmother, was never there. She didn’t have any real upbringing, except for my elderly, but sickly great-grandmother. I feel that my mom never learned how to accept herself or how to love. I feel that she’s holding a lot of anger from her past, not just towards her mother, but even some of her relatives who picked on her constantly.
My mom didn’t have a great example to follow. What’s more, she watched her little brother get better treatment than she did, and was more than likely told that her brother would be well taken of and she would have to work for the rest of her life.
Same things she bestowed upon me. So, in that moment I forgave my mom. Seems like she would have known better, but she can only work with the cards she was dealt. She is a wounded child who is still protecting herself through denial. Strong denial.
I feel so much more free. If I have children one day, I don’t want to be resenting my mom because I could end up doing those same things to them. I vow to be a better parent than my mom because I am handling my pain now so that I can break those generation curses. I have the power to do that.
Now I have the power to forgive her, and forgive myself for resenting her. I’m not saying everything is going to be easy from here, but I feel that I’ve finally made the first necessary step.
I have the power to heal, and build the self-concept that was passed down to me, then re-enforced through negative messages. It’s hard but I want it so bad. And so far, it’s been a ride full of learning, and I love to learn. Learning empowers me.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to one of my many stories. My only hope is that it help others who have had the same experiences as me 🙂
Photo credit: Flickr.com
It’s been a while since I’ve posted my personal stories; I’m going to do better 🙂
So far, this year has been amazing.
I’ve dedicated myself to building a profitable, successful, meaningful coaching business.
I’ve dedicated myself to maintaining optimal life balance, which includes working daily to develop a positive mindset towards my life and business, even during challenging times.
There is a saying that says that if you believe things are possible, opportunities flow into your life like never before.
And, slowly but surely, they are.
So let me take the time to share with you some of my a-ha moments and realizations I’ve had so far 🙂
Discoveries and Successes
1. I learned the definition of success: a positive outcome.
So, no matter if what you have worked so hard for hasn’t come to fruition, it doesn’t mean you haven’t been successful so far. (i.e., getting a Master’s degree that I haven’t fully used on my current job, but I graduated from a D-1 grad school with a 3.8 GPA!!!)
2. Since I have been thinking about what I really want in life and business, everything is becoming clearer. I’m learning what’s really important to me, and what adds value to my life.
3. I am thinking of myself as an entrepreneur, a motivational life coach, a weight management specialist (versus a personal trainer).
This helps me to gain more confidence when I talk to other women (and the occasional man) about the “forgotten secrets” behind permanent weight management.
4. I have an extra burning desire to create a career (and life) that allows me to use my knowledge and gifts. No matter how tough things get, this desire will NOT let me sit down and quit. I have to keep going, but make positive, fruitful steps along the way.
5. I’ve learned that my life has been greatly imbalanced. Too much work and not enough relaxation and play. Very little social time most days. So, I’ve made another promise to myself- step away from the desk and re-join life again!
6. There is a such thing as a quarter-life crisis.
And if you don’t know what that is, it is a time in your life, usually around 30, where you begin to feel lost, scared, lonely, and confused about the decisions you make and if they will lead to a meaningful life.
You begin to reminisce about college days; re-thinking personal relationships; panicking and becoming depressed because your career may not be where you want it to be.
Very similar to a mid-life crisis. I am going through it now. But one thing that has changed my mindset is learning what was going on, why, and how to get through it.
Self-education is powerful!!!
7. This should have been my first share, but I GOT MY FIRST FITNESS CLIENT AS AN ENTREPRENEUR!!!! It feels so good, and thank God I had some systems in place to keep me organized.
I’m ready for more!!!
There’s More, But I’ll Wait…
Every night before I go to bed, I make sure I write down all my successes for the day. One thing that keeps me sane is knowing that I’ve been productive. Otherwise, I don’t sleep lol.
So, that means that I will be back, and will be ready to share 🙂
Until next time,
Pamela Brown www.pamelabrowncoaching.com
This is my first business in 2014; I’ve been so busy and haven’t been able to keep everyone up-to-date on my start-up details 🙂
So, here are my new discoveries and accomplishments in the New Year!
One thing I have been discovering more and more of is automation. Yes, automation. Setting up systems so that I can still coach clients and accept appointments, even while I’m working my day job.
For instance, I’ve discovered coaching software called Jigsaw Box. This program allows me to set-up online fitness coaching programs so that clients can buy and access any courses I set-up anytime, without me being there!
Moreover, I can store any webinars I create, ask reflection or learning questions, set-up a forum to increase client interaction, and more!
Other things I’ve done are:
- set-up my mailchimp account to send my list blog updates automatically (RSS-to-email)
- found online booking software that allow me to create forms for prospects to complete AND to accept or decline bookings (clickbook)
- found out how to send an online personal training workout to an entire mailing list via trainerize
- found teleseminar or webinar software I can use with ease
Automation works for me!!!!
P.S. I’m almost ready to launch my online group personal training program for women. Can’t wait!!!
Even though I am a personal fitness and wellness coach, I still experience the same struggles other women face when it comes to their bodies and how they perceive it. Even though others may think you have the best body in the world, it doesn’t matter if you don’t feel the same. Continue reading
Your biggest break can come from never quitting. Being at the right place at the right time can only happen when you keep moving toward the next opportunity. -Arthur Pine
You don’t know what you want until you know who you are and what you need.
I’m always re-writing my life vision. I’m a person that need focus, a clear destination, to stay sane and happy.
Last night, I started thinking about one of the many ways to develop your life purpose, and decided to give it a try.
I answered the questions, “What is the legacy I want to leave here on earth?” and “When I look back on my life, what do I want to be able to say about myself?”
I want to be able to say that I was more than just a trainer. I provided transformations. I was a Master Motivator.
I became the person I needed to become to be successful and happy with my career and personal life.
I identified and developed the power within me via learned self-esteem and self-fulfillment.
I taught countless others that it’s never too late to become the person you need to become to reach your personal, professional, and fitness potential.
Total fitness is more than a fit body. Weight management is only one part of a fit body. Mind-body vitality and performance nutrition are also essential parts of a fit body and mind, and shouldn’t be neglected.
It is possible to live a healthy lifestyle and enjoy every second of it. Healthy living doesn’t mean dieting and deprivation.
I taught my children how to discover their sense of self so that they will have meaningful friendships, relationships, and a strong self-concept; and as a result were able to make better decisions for themselves.
I motivated and supported my spouse to be all that he can be, and was able to build him up when he was down.
That’s what I want to be able to say when I’m retired and looking back on my life one day. I want to leave a legacy of success, happiness, and fulfillment. I want to leave people knowing the importance of knowing who you are so that you can get what you want out of life.
That’s a big order to fill, but I lose sleep sometimes thinking about it. I really feel that becoming a Master Motivator, Fitness Expert, and a highly confident woman is my purpose in life. And that’s what I’m going to do.
Until next time,